Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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