It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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