hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
