I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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