k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
