We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
