Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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