There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
