So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The adults are the big ones right?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
