go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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