I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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