you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
