i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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