he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
