Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she looked like the before picture.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
