the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
