I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
