There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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