Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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