i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
