i was born a porn star she said
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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