I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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