i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
