When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
