now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
