last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So here I am, sexting at work.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
