we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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