watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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