He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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