pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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