I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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