Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
