I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
