This is not my ceiling
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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