I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just forgot I was standing up.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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