Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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