i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
