If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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