girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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