Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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