Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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