Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
