sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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