Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
