Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
