Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
