I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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