just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's shark week go big or go home
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
