I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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