actually, I'm a sock model
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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