How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
