My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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