i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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