I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
tell your sister to shave her snatch
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
