and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
