I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
