I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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