we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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