i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize