You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
