so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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