90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
