Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
