He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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