It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize