She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
