I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
