i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Panties = found
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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