Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
